Stay at home Mom

So yeah, I know.  There are thousands of blog entries floating through cyber space written by thousands of stay at home moms like myself, who are doing just what I feel the need to do, justify our job.  I’m not claiming today’s subject matter is new but gosh, it really will feel much better for me to just get it out there.

Today, a stranger said to me, “At least you’re home with your kids so you have plenty of time to get things done.” Those words, uttered so innocently, made me cringe as I struggled to keep a smile and remain polite. You see I have been on both ends of the deal.  I’ve been a working mom and a stay at home mom. I have nothing but respect for the moms I know who have careers and I realize it is tough stuff.  You spend a lot of time away from your children, often worrying that others are taking your place as the parent. I totally get it.  When I had a job I missed my babies and it was rough to keep things in order at home. A lot of the time I felt that the best of me was going to work and the rest of me was walking in the door at the end of the day. I struggled to find balance, something that seems impossible to achieve when your routine is far from routine. I have now been a stay at home mom for exactly 2 years.  I of course have my cakes, cookies, and painting projects but I make my own schedule and that kind of works for me. Amazingly enough though, even after 2 years, I have not figured out how to be any less busy. 

Tonight, as I sit and blog, I am so exhausted my body feels as if it is tingling. When I finally stop moving at the end of the day I feel like a bag full of bricks. I am completely drained.  The words from this morning’s stranger are replaying in my head like a broken record and I feel even more frustrated at my exhaustion. If I have so much time then why is there never enough?

The day begins so early.  I wake before the kids so I can get a shower, and never finish before they are up.  I get the troops ready, make breakfast, do the dishes and make my trip to the school.  Then comes the errands and the grocery shopping and the appointments and the laundry and the bill paying. Before I know it, it is time for the little one and I to have lunch.  More cooking, more dishes, and then school pick up.  The kids are together again at home, the messes and fighting begin almost instantly.  If there are no activities to run off to we are home for the afternoon and sitting down to do homework. When we are finally finished it is time to start preparing dinner. I cook, everyone eats, I do dishes. Bath time. I have girls; they have hair. Lot’s of hair. After what seems like forever they are braided and curled and put into pajamas. They have a story and they are off to bed (if they will sleep. Don’t even get me started on the great battle of bedtime.) After the kids are sleeping I clean up the house from the 5,000 messes that have been made in the course of 10 hours, get myself ready for bed, sit down, and feel as if I’m going to die.  At this point I might sleep, I might work on projects or cake orders.  If I try to go to sleep early I can pretty much guarantee that someone is going to wake up thirsty, hungry, having to potty, or there is a monster in the closet. My little one loves to get up at 2 am, turn on all the lights in the house, and declare it is playtime.  Like I said, the day begins so early.

You know, I know that there are many, many, many other people out there who have it rough and many who have obstacles that I could never even begin to understand.  There are all sorts of things I have to be thankful for and trust me, I am beyond grateful for my blessings. But I urge you, every single one of you, to understand that each and every one of us must live within our own realities. My struggles are not yours or anyone else’s.  They are mine, in my world.  Being home with children is the toughest job I have even taken on.  The requests and the “mommying” never end and children are all about what they want.  Teaching them to be aware of the feelings of others is so difficult and some never learn.  We know this because there are many adults out there who still cannot seem to grasp the concept. 

I promise I will not judge you for your parenting style and choices so please hold the judgment about me being a mom without a “job.”  I know saying that as a stay at home mom “I have plenty of time” is not a big deal.  I know it is a harmless statement and yet it only made me feel more minimized in this new world.  A world where saying you are a stay home mom evokes this response: “but what do you do?”

I am a mom, a mom who is there for my family.  I am the glue that holds us together, the rock that can always be found in the ever-changing scenery. I am there, every moment of the day and night, standing by, always standing by, and it’s more than a job, it’s a calling. I am in it for life and I couldn’t be more proud of what I do.